Detox from people pleasing
# The Detox Series (article 2)
We have all been guilty of this, well be honest, if not, then wow you are special. Sometimes, we say yes, to things that we know deep down in our hearts we are incapable of. We try and agree to ceratin things when we know we are well out of our league.
Why, sometimes it’s societal pressures, peer pressure we don’t want people to be annoyed by us or disappoint people, everyone is doing it, or we want to prove a point to others or even ourselves. This is a painfully sad way to live. It’s a punishment, we give ourselves.
Examples include, being in a relationship with someone you are not attracted to, on many levels, physical,(you just don’t see them that way),mental (you don’t like the way they think), spiritual ( you have very different belief systems). I used to think of myself as not a people pleaser, in most cases am not, but sometimes, there are moments when that impulsive button just hits you then boom! You see yourself having made a very bad decision, then you ask yourself a day later what was I thinking? You feel like a six year old who should have known better but has messed himself, in his pants, with the moist excretions and the repulsive odor.
He only realises what he did when his mom is shouting at him. The mom shouting at the boy is like your conscience, your logic. Forgive me, for the gross imagery, but that’s what it’s like.
People pleasing is like messing on yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially you name it. Again mind the imagery, but I kind of have to be brutally honest with you.
Don’t be afraid to say no, am sorry I can’t come for that rendez-vous, I can’t be romantically involved with you, I can’t go for that trip. It’s ok to say no when you have valid reasons. Sometimes saying no! will anger people, you may loose some “friends” along the way but it’s better to be at peace with yourself and be mentally, financially, emotionally, spiritually sane or “clean” (yep, I am going back to our anology ) than to find yourself in a mess that you could have avoided had you mastered how to simply say “No,I’m sorry, I can’t or I won’t be able to do that.” Because by saying “yes” to everything, you will also be saying “no” to a lot of things.
How to know if something requires a no!
You have to force it, or you feel forced,
Your instincts are simply telling you no,
You know that afterwards you will have a whole in your wallet,
It doesn’t feel right!
People have gotten married to the wrong person because their younger sister got married before them. People have blown their budget, people have had one night stands, people have done all sorts of crazy things just because of competion, comparison and a strong allegy to saying “No, I am sorry I don’t think I can. ” We are so scared of what the person is going to think of us at our own disadvatage. I encourage you to start with a “No!” there is something more powerful or liberating about that word and if you can’t say it to the person find a more polite way, but be careful by avoiding the word no, you may be convinced to say yes!
So may this article be a mark , a pact for a new begining to you who struggle to say no, may you always be realistic and not live for that adrenaline rush or to please someone! Do not try and be a hero, or “shero” when deep down you are drowning. It’s ok to say no!